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CHORDS:
Bb5 (x13xxx) E5 (x79xxx)
A5 (x02xxx) Eb5 (x68xxx)
B5 (x24xxx) C#5 (x46xxx)
INTRO
[spoken:]
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
VERSE 1:
Bb5 A5 B5 C#5 E5 B5
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
A5 B5 C#5
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
B5 A5 B5 E5
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Eb5 C#5 A5
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
B5 [stop]
I just wish I was queer so I could get
CHORUS
E5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5
Queer guys that don't dig
E5 B5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
A5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
VERSE 2:
A5 B5 C#5 E5 B5
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
A5 B5 C#5
Incognito as a gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
B5 A5 B5 E5
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
Eb5 C#5 A5
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
B5 C#5
Scoring with a super model would be easy
VERSE 3:
A5 B5
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but also is synonomous with
C#5 E5 B5
'super dumb'
A5 B5
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and
C#5 B5
soon I'd become
A5 B5 E5
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
Eb5 C#5 A5
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
B5 [stop]
I wish I was queer so I could get
CHORUS
E5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5
Queer guys that don't dig
E5 B5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
A5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
VERSE 4: [play like Verse 3]
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get
BRIDGE:
E5 C#5 C#5 B5 A5 Bb5 B5 B5 A5 C#5 Eb5
Chicks
E5 C#5 C#5 B5 A5 Bb5 B5 B5 A5 C#5 Eb5
VERSE 5: [play like Verse 3]
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp
he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get
OUTRO:
C#5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5
Queer guys that don't dig
C#5
Chicks dig guys that are
E5 B5
Queer guys that don't dig
C#5
Chicks dig guys that are
B5
Queer guys that don't dig
C#5 E5
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
B5 C#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
B5
And I don't shave my heiny
C#5
Don't shave my heiny
E5 B5 C#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
B5
And I don't shave my heiny
C#5
Don't shave my heiny
E5 B5 C#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
B5
And I don't shave my heiny
C#5
Don't shave my heiny
E5 B5 C#5
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
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